As a kid, I would often fantasize about alternative modes of transport other than our old magenta Aerostar family van with the wonky A/C. Pteranodons turned into massive air shuttle buses, while happy cackling dolphins ferried me hundreds of miles across the Atlantic. How cool would that have been? Imagine my complete elation then when I found out that therewassuch a place where hairy mammals and other animals worked together to improve mobility.
It was calledDonkey Kong Countryand I wanted to live there — and still do.
In 1994, Rare Studios resurrected Nintendo’s Donkey Kong franchise to jumpstart a new series of platforming games on the Super Nintendo console, passing the torch from the former gorilla baddy to his grandson, Donkey Kong Jr. and his little buddy, Diddy Kong. This game was a triumph across the board: cutting-edge technology with 3D sprites, unparalleled platform mechanics and, for me, the inclusion of an exotic array of rideable animal pals.
Since the time of Donkey Kong Country, the world of video games has had a lot to offer when it comes time to mount up.Far Cryallowed you to ride a bear, or, with a little courage, hop up on a sabertooth tiger.Horizon Zero Dawn’s ability to hack and ride mechanical dinosaurs was straight up inspired. Hell, evenNier Automata’s moose-riding inclusion was awesome. However, it was still a case of man vs. beast; a mechanic that hinged on coercing your ride via stealth or an animal-scented sachet. It smacked of dominance rather than co-existence. To that point, Donkey Kong Country was a PETA dream, as no animals were harmed, but actually released from bondage and subsequently offered their services voluntarily.
Throughout the game, DK and Diddy find themselves in all manner of various biomes, from tropical jungles that provide an abundance of equally exciting fauna, to glaciers, caverns, and even industrial warehouses. Off the bat, in the first level of Jungle Hijinks, the Kongs come across Rambi the Rhino trapped in a crate, underscoring the cruelty of the Kremling crew. Naturally, once freed, Rambi allows you to ride him while he stampedes through baddies in a blind rage, his horn the righteous ivory hammer of justice. In other scenarios, the freed animal pals are more practical, as their abilities will enable you to access out-of-reach coins or bonus areas.
As nice as that is for your overall score/progress, that’s not really the point, is it? The sheer experience is enough. Can you think of any more awesome way to get around than by hopping to unimaginable heights on your own oversized tree frog? And I can’t possibly be the only one who’s wanted to explore the depths of the deep blue on the back of a swordfish.
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The fish’s name is Enguarde, which is a nice fencing pun, but the situation is even better, as he’s the embodiment of my childhood dreams — you know, if dolphins had needle-sharp noses. On top of that, Enguarde’s introduction happens in one of the most beloved levels among underwater gaming experiences, Coral Capers. This is hands down one of my favorite DKC levels, as itssoundtrack is pitch perfectand provides a stress-free underwater atmosphere with which to literally stick it to underwater baddies. It also helps that this guy seems to thoroughly be enjoying his work, as a smile is constantly glued to his fishy face.
But maybe you’re more the traditional type; a bit more practical when it comes to four-legged means of transport. If that’s the case, then I guess I’d recommend the most trusted of all rideable animals: the nobleequus. Sorry, sorry, I forgot that Latin is dead. I’m talking about horses, y’know, partner.
Now, I’m not proud of this, but horses scare the hell out of me. OfcourseI’ve ridden them plenty of times, once even in the picturesque Mojave Desert, but the problem isn’t the horse itself — it’s their unnatural sixth sense. They cansmellthe fear on you. Maybe that and the fact that one hoof to the face can really upset your jaw. More equestrian readers will no doubt offer loads of advice, such as “Let the horse smell you first” or “Whisper sweet nothings in their ear,” but still, at the end of the day, these are massive wild animals that could kill you, if they so chose. It’s no wonder that games likeRed Dead Redemptionspend so much time focusing on how to properly tame your maverick steed.
According toRed Dead Redemption 2guides, the fastest way to your horse’s heart is through sugar. Indeed, purchasable sugar cubes and peppermints are plentiful, but that alone won’t do the trick. There are tiered bonding methods that require actual time leading, riding and swimming with your horse. Plus, there’s the feeding, the grooming and calming; all of which sounds like owning an actual horse. Sure, the payoff is a reliable companion, but hasn’t that already been done before, only way, way easier? Ah yes, takes me back to my days on Lon Lon Ranch inThe Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Hyrule was just too big for Link to traverse by his lonesome, so a courtship between master and horse was necessary. And honestly, the entire acquisition was more of a pleasure than a chore. You got to learn the melodious tune of “Epona’s Song” on your Ocarina, meet the charming Maron, and spank the cruel ranch-hand Ingo at a race on his own farm. After acquiring Epona, though, the entire game really opened up, and throughout it all, your faithful pal always got you there.
That’s about it though. Unlike Donkey Kong’s animal assistants, Epona — no offense! — didn’t really offer too much help in taking out enemies. Maybe because of this, I often took her companionship for granted. Oh, I gave her plenty of love and carrots, but for some reason, I wasn’t content with the standard “horse” format. I was young and restless with a taste for the exotic. Why couldn’t she just sprout wings and turn into a vengeful Pegasus or something? I’m sorry, old girl! It wasn’t you, it was me.
Even after all these years, I still love playing Donkey Kong Country, but I don’t have the time to unpack the entire game. I’m a busy guy and find myself out and about more (thanks,Bayonetta Origins), like the Kongs themselves. However, no matter how many times I drive my Renault, ride my bike, or take the train or (god forbid) the bus around town, I still wish the vehicle in question was a swordfish, or at least an enraged rhino plunging through traffic.
